The first year of sobriety can be tough. Life changing tough
It is serious business because it pays off huge dividends, but it doesn’t always come easy. I think I have saved myself numerous relapses, but only because I’d rather stick hot iron rods through my eyeballs than deal with those 12 months again.
And really it’s not because I would be embarrassed or ashamed to have to admit to a room that I relapsed, or tell my family and friends. It’s far more selfish than that – I don’t want to put my soul through that again.
My first year I mourned alcohol the way you would mourn the love of your life, the one that left you even after you begged them to stay. I mean make an ass out of yourself begged.
I drank all the time – day and night – so I couldn’t remember what it was like to be sober when I would go to sleep, or grocery shop, or go to work, or deal with family. Really when I think about it, I was drunk 50% of the time from 1998 to 2004 and all the time from 2005 to 2011. So sober activities were like me fitting into a size 2. It had happened, but rarely, and it was a distant memory.
After I got out of rehab I had this seemingly overwhelming job of creating a life without alcohol
What would I do with all this extra time? All this anger? Well, if you are newly sober, I strongly recommend you don’t handle things the way I did. I spent a year punishing myself by sticking to one a single storyline – that being sober has to suck.
The reality is having a shitty outlook sucks. Drunk, sober, rich, poor, skinny, or fat. If you are looking for the bad things in life, they will show up in bright neon colors. And if you want to prove to yourself that you were right, that getting sober is the worst thing ever, then all you will see is the bad in life.
Each day, I just tried to make it through. Laughing almost seemed like failing to me, because it was admitting things could be ok without a drink in my hand. But I have to say after many, many moons of suffering, I started looking at the bright stars instead of the black sky.
I found out interesting things about myself, the me I barely knew
I liked to run. I found peace in meditation. I could speak without my voice quivering. Coffee is for more than just sobering up.
And Girl Scout cookies are amazing, and since they only come out once a year, you have stock up on that shit! And the list goes on and on.
So what helped? Really it starts with letting go of the romanticized memory of alcohol. Then open up to the reality of the world you are a part of right now.
This moment doesn’t have to be full of bitterness, and you aren’t required to just sit in it.
Only your perspective is holding back the joy, not the lack of liquor in your cup.
So why hold yourself back? You’ve suffered enough. Maybe you deserve to experience the fun that life has to offer you too?
