I am super blessed to have two amazing stepkids. Aidan is 20 and starting his third year at Chico State, and Maura is 18 and starting her freshman year at Long Beach State.
My husband and I got together over 13 years ago, when the kids were just 5 and 7. They have always been awesome to me, and I’ve love being their stepmom. I have gotten to have a really special relationship with both of them.
Even better- their mom and dad are both exceptional people, so I get to be the bonus parent.
My husband and I chose not to have biological children together. One day I’m sure I’ll post why in more detail, but really it was pretty simple.
People always say you know when your family is complete. I simply felt that way with Aidan and Maura.
It was a blessing, and I’m glad I made the decision I did, even to this day.
I say all this, because this weekend we’re moving my stepdaughter into her dorm room at Long Beach State.
Moving a child to school is such a bittersweet experience.
I felt the same way when we moved my stepson into the dorms at Chico a few years ago. On one side, you are so happy and proud of their accomplishments. You’re excited about what the next few years will bring. And of course, you reflect back on all the good times you had in college, and want them to have those experiences as well.
On the flip side, it feels surreal. Like, they can’t really be going away??!! You’re just dropping them at a week-long summer camp, right???
You’re scared they aren’t going to like it, or get homesick, or like it too much and never want to come home.
You know all those times you’ve come home, and they were snuggled up in a blanket on the couch, aren’t going to happen nearly as much anymore. They won’t text to see what you are doing for dinner. I won’t get the nightly download of the drama at school, or hear about the latest beauty product my stepdaughter is loving.
And what’s even weirder is now they are both in college. When the youngest goes away, it is the official close to the chapter on being a parenting to children. You will always be their parent, but now they are both over 18 and not living at home. Just by that fact alone, your role has to change.
Now, that is crazy.
My stepkids have been a part of my life since I was 23.
Almost all of my adult life- outside of my college years- I have been a stepmom. I’m not sure what this new normal will look like.
My husband seems to think not much will be different. Maybe it’s a man thing. Or maybe it’s because he’s their dad, and the role of stepparent and biological parent can many times be different. For me, it seems weird that I’m becoming and empty nester.
I’m not so sure. I don’t really think I’ll know how much of my identity is wrapped around having the kids close until they have both been gone for a while.
For this weekend, I’m just going to try and not do the ugly cry when we’re unpacking her stuff in her dorm. I also know that things like text, FaceTime, and Snapchat will make it far easier to feel connected to her when she is gone.
I know when my stepson comes home, it’s like nothing has changed.
Sure, he’s taller than me now, and maybe he has changed his political views, but he’s still my stepson- with the funny jokes, amazing musical talent, kind heart, and unshakable love for mac and cheese.
I hope in my heart of hearts the same is true with Maura.
I hope we will always have our great talks, and that she will feel comfortable telling me things no matter what.
I truly feel gratitude for being a stepmom. It’s not the easiest job in the world, and you have to be smart about what you say, as well as when you bite your tongue. But if you do it with love, it’s absolutely wonderful.
